double blind

I find that when I am tired I am more likely to develop a thought roll but the longer I wait to write it down, the less sense it makes, much like dreams which vanish with time

I read an article that confirmed a belief I had concerning the efficacy of self-motivation, it stated that a personal goal is more likely to be accomplished when it is not public, interestingly, I am unsure if the reason I remember this article is because it agreed with my previous concept, if I had not found this article would I be so sure about its veracity (the idea not the article) and indeed would I have been open to contrasting beliefs if the article had found scientifically otherwise?

Is it possible that my subconscious is smart enough to have realized my conscious is defective? or the other way around? I don’t believe I am schizophrenic, but I sure sound like it sometimes, especially when I take care to document my beliefs and rationalizations rather than relying purely on memory.

This is the reason that I believe that all scientific research needs to be double blind, if you know the answer, the question is not real, it is merely an opinion in question form and those can be made to say anything

Depths

Cliche perhaps, but true. Why write from the depths of depression? So as to let everyone else know that you were there too and survived.

Resignation

I look at my life and want there to be some order. At the same time I abhor order and it ability to turn mundane. Out side the box is no where to live bit inside the box is no way to live. Cliche, trite, call this what you will but it can cause a person fits to be so conflicted by the two things he confides in. I will say, talking about my life forces me to examine it, and comprehend it in a way that it is easy for the cursory glance to ignore. I try to find a unifying theme in my life but fail because I make a conscious effort to reject being stereotyped. I realize this sounds like a person who can’t make up their mind about the direction they want to live their life, exactly because that is what it is. I want to be happy, but on both sides of the aisle I see too many examples of unhappiness or worse resignation. Interesting word that is because it could be used to define our country and not be far from the truth. More later.

Evolution

I have long been fascinated by evolution, both the core concept and as it applies to species and societies. It is not impossible, I believe, for a person to grow or evolve in the same way technology does, slowly at first then exponentially to a plateau where they need assistance or else they need support to prevent a fall. This may not make much sense initially, but I believe I am making a valid point that will eventually congeal into a more refined and salient discussion.

Mind game

Nuerotic to the bone no doubt about it. Color me unimpressed. Sleep does not provide comfort the way it used to, if it ever did at all. Perhaps it is just a learned behavior like comfort eating, if so you can add that to the list of things I need to change. Thanks negative influences.

the reason

The reason I decided to start a blog originally was to espouse my revolutionary ideas to anyone who would heard them; to force them down the naysayers’ throats if necessary. In a very short time I realized that this was the exact wrong way to get anyone to listen to my ideas. Setting aside any value judgments on my essays. whether they are good, bad or a waste of time, the only way to spread an idea is to put it in the open and let people decided for themselves.

Human beings will only believe something for any length of time because they want to. They may believe in an idea because they are forced to, but the effects of this are mostly temporary or the cause of severe trauma. Where history has really seen change in ideas is across generations and that is my real aim. The influence of our parents largely shaped our beliefs be they negatively or positively. The effects of these influences can be powerful, a strict father and a rebellious son is such a common stereotype we easily ignore the underlying motivations and logic.

I do not seek to be the strict father nor the rebellious son. Rather I aim for a happy medium of stating my opinions emphatically and supporting them until logic and facts remove dictate otherwise. I want to believe things that are commonly held to be false if only because we are so easily blinded by preconception we forget how to use our naturally keen powers of perception and deduction.

I write this blog not to be idolized or recognized but to establish a model of behavior which others can view and interpret on their own, free to make their own decisions without lecture or judgment.

self-diagnosis

I need to devote my enthusiasm for change and experimentation into someone and something that satisfies that need as I can not find it with the most of the people I surround myself with. I need to find those groups and people and things and rationalize the correct expectations from them and the right amount of emotional investment to put in them and that I can expect back. I need to stop placing my unreasonable expectations on people and then being angry and then being angry at them when they fail to achieve. Essentially my desire to be a well rounded and complete person need not trivialize or diminish those around me but rather by me succeeding and being an example that those with the proper motivation can look to and follow. I can not afford to demean or anger those people who serve functions around me solely because they do not uphold the ideal I set for myself. I understand that there are aspects of my personality that perhaps aggravate or fail in others eyes. In essence: be positive be the change you want to see. Strive for perfection but be tolerant of failure in that pursuit. Accept those who reject your ideals but try not to associate with them lest they Inhibit your ambitions. Grow from your mistakes but especially from others. Do not think in absolutes. Be a self made success nut do not let ego prevent you from helping others regardless of their background. Reconcile the fact you will never get the recognition you feel you deserve so value that which you receive and do not try to manufacture artificial glory. Pride comes before the fall. Hustle always.